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But I'm always open to making new friends, so, comment and let me know :)
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But add me if you like and I'll most likely do the same.
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Yesterday around 1PM I was admitted to the ER with 2nd degree chemical burns to my face and chest.


I have been working so much and so hard lately that I haven't been taking the time to really ensure I'm taking the proper precautions around all of our standards and reagents. The one I work with the most frequently at this point is Nitric Acid. I was attempting to make a new standard and I needed 1ml of nitric acid and I went to dispense it without realizing the cap was on the pump dispenser. When I pushed the pump down, it splashed all over me. I ran immediately to the emergency shower wash and eye wash station, pulled the handle, and stood under the water while I removed my contact lenses.

I was Mightily Praised at the ER for my presence of mind. "You did all the right things" they told me. "You've made everything a lot better."

It fucking hurt like hell. When the ambulance came I'd been soaking in water for nearly 15 minutes. I don't remember much. I gave someone John's phone number. Someone else wrapped me in a sweatshirt and a lab coat. Someone else kept hugging me and holding my hair back from my face. I have never been so frightened in my life. I wasn't even frightened for myself. I was scared that somehow this would hurt the baby. It seems so irrational now, but hydroFLUORIC acid can get into your bloodstream and kill you. What if nitric could also poison your blood??? Would my stress levels hurt the baby? I had no way to know.

When the EMTs arrived they put me on the gurney and took me away. I was shaking uncontrollably and sobbing. My heartrate was 140 and my pulse was 140/80, but my blood oxygen was excellent and they were encouraged by the fact that I had no pain in my eyes and my pupils were responsive. They were the kindest and funniest people I've ever met. The one who sat with me held my hand and the driver kept cracking jokes to make me laugh and distract me.

They did not cut my wet clothes off me, I'm happy to say. One of the ER nurses helped me take off my wet clothes and they wrapped me in heated blankets while they checked my vitals again and read off my information. They asked if my pregnancy had been uncomplicated; I confirmed that it had been normal thus far. Then the nurse asked if I wanted an ultrasound to see the baby, would that make me feel better? I said yes. I could be permanently disfigured and not give a fuck as ong as my baby was OK. And baby is. So perfect looking, and so active. It was moving all over the place, bouncing and wiggling and kicking and touching its face. This was a fantastic distraction while they gave me TWO IVs and a dose of fentanyl for the pain. It began to work almost immediately but I never felt tired or out of it. I had too much adrenaline in my system, I think.

John came to the hospital, as did three of my coworkers - two of them to see me and make sure I was OK, and the third was our HR/accounting rep to set up the worker's comp claim. They stressed to me that I should not receive any bills and all my care would be paid for.

I look like hell, but I feel a lot better. I have a lot of mixed feelings. I'm angry with myself for not being more careful. I'm angry with my job for overworking me to the point where I didn't even see that I was working in an unsafe manner. I'm grateful to the wonderful EMTs, ER nurses, and the chaplain who held my hand and prayed with me in the trauma room before they were sure my eyes weren't damaged by the acid.

So, the upshot is I got a bonus ultrasound of my baby. My advice is: do not attempt to get a bonus ultrasound by getting nitric acid on your face. Just ask your OB/GYN to schedule one for you.


May. 26th, 2017 09:33 pm
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Today I felt the baby move. It happened early this morning. I've been so tired and stressed out this week - work has been an absolute nightmare, and I've been working 12 hour days all week. There have been problems with both the ICP and the ICP/MS. Instrument problems are the worst because it's not your fault but yet you're responsible for everything AND worse still, hours of your hard work and effort are basically rendered a total fucking waste of time. I spent a lot of time crying this week because I was so frustrated. It was just so stressful.

Today was no better - I came in to discover the ICP fucking failed in the middle of the overnight run. By some fucking miracle, only the last batch on the sequence was ruined. I was able to salvage probably 80% of the run, and the data was good. But I didn't know that yet. I was just sitting at my desk trying to work out HOW behind we were going to be, and what I could reasonably accomplish today. Then suddenly, I felt what I can only describe as a blip in my stomach. It wasn't painful but it startled me. It was like a muscle tic or spasm inside my stomach. Then it happened two more times, and I realized that it wasn't actually me, which was a crazy realization to make. The tiny passenger I'm carrying around is getting big enough to make their presence known. So at first I was smiling and then my eyes started tearing up and then I was just a big sobbing mess lol. Denise and Linda, who work in wet chem right next to metals, asked me if everything was OK (I mean, this week has SUUUUUCKED and I did cry a lot) and I was like oh, no, I'm fine, I just felt the baby kick.

Highlight of my day. All the misery and the unhappiness of being pregnant was worth it for that one moment.


May. 20th, 2017 10:55 am
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Yesterday was a really rough day for me. Hell, the last three weeks have been insane.

I got a promotion at work. I am no longer working in organic extractions. I've been moved to the Metals department doing instrumentation/analysis. I am working in this department with one other girl who is herself a relatively new hire. Both of the previous metalists put in their two weeks notice. Amanda left last month - she was in charge of the department. Kassie was moved up to replace her, and they hired Sarah to fill Kassie's position. So suddenly Kassie is totally in charge of metals, and she did a hell of a job for someone who was also frantically trying to train a new hire. Then she found out Sarah was hired for the same amount of money she makes. She asked for a raise, and was denied. Ouch. Stupid move. So she was already in talks with another company and that sealed it - she put in her two weeks notice, and one day later, Ben called me into his office to ask if I wanted to work in the metals department doing instrumentation. Oh and also, to congratulate me on my pregnancy, as someone I worked with told EVERYBODY but Ben couldn't just approach me about it because he's the lab manager and all that.

So Kassie had exactly 10 days to train me in metals, which is nowhere near enough, but I am doing my best. My best is pretty fucking spectacular, actually. I'm a goddamn rock star. Also I am expensive as hell because I insisted on a raise and I got one--I am up from $18/hour to $21/hour. I mean, I am in charge of the analysis, the instruments, contacting our service company if there are problems, purchasing supplies for our department, and acting as point-of-contact between the front end (client services, Ben, Bob) and our department, and overseeing Sarah's work and giving her direction on what to do. I will also be responsible for training her this summer for when I will be out on maternity leave.

Yesterday was just awful, though. Nothing went right, I don't know enough to fix problems, and I had Ben breathing down my neck about client samples and I couldn't do anything about it because the ICP/MS wasn't working and it took me forever to figure out how to get it back up and running. I didn't even take a real lunch break. I heated up my lunch and brought it to My Desk (I have a desk!) and ate while I batched samples for the overnight run.

I like the challenge and the work, but some days will just suck. Then my phone died and I can't charge it anymore so I'll need a new one, and I went to see my MIL and she commented on my appearance ("You've got a pot on ya", very nice) and then I felt like shit and blah blah blah.

But I slept well and I woke up feeling much better today and then I cleaned the kitchen counters and washed the dishes and then I made hot cakes.

Life is not too bad. I am especially happy to be making more money now that the baby is on its way. My next appointment isn't until June 13th and it's killing me. I almost bought a home doppler but John looked at me like I was nuts. idk, I might still.


May. 19th, 2017 09:37 pm
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Well I've become huge and grossly fat, and I hate the way I look, and I'm uncomfortable and none of my clothes fit and it doesn't matter how much I eat or don't eat.

I am bloated and retaining like, everything I eat or drink. I was 151.6 this morning. This evening I weighed 154. I hate it. I hate this, I hate myself, I hate being pregnant, I hate that I ever thought this was a good fucking idea.

I don't fucking want to be fat.
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For awhile I was walking around with the distinct impression that John completely did not care that we are having a baby, that this was only a source of financial stress and worry for him, and that he had no interest in anything other than finding a daycare to stick the kid (we have no choice) and being hard on me for no good reason.

This may actually have all been true for awhile. Some of it still is--the financial stress, specifically. But for the last month or two we've been bickering about household tasks of the home improvement kind. He wants to paint the house, and build a retaining wall around our patio (the old wooden logs around it are rotting away), design and build an 18th century English country garden, tear up cement covering the keeping room fireplace hearth and restore it with brick, grow corn on the cob again (he's actually doing this one), tear out the rotten floorboards in our corn crib/shed and replace them, and half a dozen other things I can't remember. I insisted that ONE of these tasks might be possible, but he needs to pick one and stay with it, or none of them will get done. This was a lot of bickering! I personally thought the corn crib was the most pressing issue--in the past someone kept animals in this shed and it still reeks of animal piss and shit, and mold, rotting straw, wood, etc. He thought that the porch and the house painting took greater priority.

So imagine my surprise last week when he tore out the floorboards and bought some 2x10x8 foot boards and started replacing the floor to the corn crib. This weekend I helped and now the corncrib has an entirely new floor and we've started painting the interior walls and the floorboards to help protect them from moisture. It looks amazing! Anyway, we were talking while we worked and John said, "I don't know, I just feel like I need to get all of these things done and we're running out of time." And suddenly it hit me.

"You're NESTING!" I said, and started laughing. "Am I?" he said, and thought about it. "Yeah, I guess I am. YOU'RE not, though!" which is entirely true, I am not at all. I am in the "fuck this shit I don't care" phase of pregnancy.

Then I got a card from Joe for Mother's Day which was very sweet and unexpected. John did not do or buy me anything for Mother's Day, which was NOT UNEXPECTED and I was NOT ANGRY OR UPSET. I want to make that very clear bc it makes this next part even funnier.

Tonight I bought KFC for dinner and we were eating on the porch and out of nowhere John blurts out, "Are you happy with me?" and he looked so cute and worried I laughed and I was like, yes, of course, why...? And it turns out his boss (also named Kristin) yelled at him today for not doing anything for me for Mother's Day. This was really funny and I told him to make sure she knew I didn't mind and wasn't expecting or even really hoping for anything. Like yeah, sure, I would have loved it, but I'm totally fine.

I guess this is a difficult adjustment for him, too, but he doesn't do so well at communicating that so I always figure things out after the fact.

NT scan

May. 4th, 2017 08:44 pm
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Had my NT scan ultrasound thing today and was pronounced "low risk" for trisomies 13, 18, and 21 based on the super awesomeness of my baby's development, or something. No visible heart defects either.



My next ultrasound is scheduled for June and if the baby is facing the right way, they will do the 3d scan which is pretty cool.


Apr. 22nd, 2017 09:39 am
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Yesterday Courtney informed Tara and me that "your people" are going to 2nd shift starting Monday, meaning Taylor and Selena.

This is going to be interesting, as Taylor's MO has been pretty much this: come in at 9, take a 40-45 minute lunch break, leave when I leave (anywhere from 3:30 to 4:30, depending on what time I came in that morning). Seriously this girl N E V E R wants to be at work past 4PM. But she NEVER COMES IN EARLY to make up the time, so if we do the math she's probably only working somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 hours a week rather than 40. That's gonna change. Tara has been WAITING for this day. Her scorn is pretty obvious. I like Tara; she's salty AF and doesn't care.
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x-posted from dreamwidth

John and I officially announced the pregnancy on FB. Everyone seems really excited, yay hurray etc. I have NOT felt excited the last two weeks because John was sick and then I got sick and being sick while pregnant is a horrible thing. I recommend avoiding it at all costs. I am finally starting to feel better just in time for allergy season, awesome, and apparently what is safe for pregnant women is claritin. Good thing claritin does fuck all for me, awesome.

Here is a picture of how bloated I am so you can get a sense of my massive levels of discomfort. Smile included bc I'm trying.

That's me yesterday. I'm actually bloated worse today. My weight fluctuates ~2 pounds every 24 hours. Yesterday morning I was 148. This morning I was 146. Earlier in the week I was almost 149, then I was 147 the following day. It's insane. I suspect my prenatal vitamin is contributing to the constipation. It wasn't this bad until I started taking the prescription one my doctor gave me at my first appointment. It has a higher iron content than the one I was taking and it upsets my stomach more. Thankfully I'm almost out of the sample pack so I'm just going to go back on the OTC ones.

Tomorrow my mom is coming up to help with laundry and stuff. She bought a ham and sweet potatoes and tomorrow we'll buy green beans and on Sunday my aunt is coming over too and we'll have a nice Easter meal, just the four of us, very low-key.


Apr. 9th, 2017 08:00 pm
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I'm struggling right now. On the one hand, some of my pregnancy symptoms are better - less nausea, less fatigue. On the other, I'm still dealing with gas, heartburn, indigestion, bloating, constipation, AND John gave me some kind of plague so now I'm sick on top of things and all I can take is fucking tylenol and claritin and saline spray.

In addition I have this weird front-ass thing going on with my stomach that is not a cute baby bump because lmao way too early and is not fat because I can feel where my abs are and they're pushed WAY the fuck out beyond where they used to. I am up about 4lbs from my pre-protomolecule weight so far, and I'm hoping I'm just still hella constipated and retaining water, because I am pretty much 100% grossed out by my body and I want to leave it behind.
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FIX THIS HORRIBLE HORRIBLE USER INTERFACE, LIVEJOURNAL. It is so, so, SO fucking bad that I don't even have words. It is legit fail.



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June 2017

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